Torn
by subseeker
Summary: "I miss you." Seth's words were somehow breathless, weak. Liar. But he couldn't see the lie in his eyes. He couldn't see the goddamn lie in them. "I miss you..." And it burned like fire... (Rolleigns, slashy themes, one sided)


Here we have a Rolleigns one-shot with slightly slashy themes, one-sided tho.

Nothing special but maybe you'll like it nevertheless :)

Enjoy!

PS: please don't mind typos and stuff too much, gotta do the corrections tomorrow. It's late over here and I'm screenblind D:

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 _Big brown eyes, shoulder long dark brown hair and a lean, well-toned body. A pretty face and a beautiful smile, framed by a beard._

 _A gorgeous creature... and so very familiar, reminding him of someone he had lost what felt like two lifetimes ago._

 _"Got a problem, man?" the gorgeous creature snapped, shooting him a sneer that held the power to destroy the beauty._

 _Roman blinked once and pressed his lips to a tight and bitter smile. He'd been staring, he knew that, so he wasn't surprised at all about that reaction._

 _"You look like someone I once knew," Roman stated calmly then after releasing a silent sigh._ _"Been wrong though."_

 _For a second the sneer lessened and confusion joined it. But only for a second. It came back then and it almost looked like baring teeth. And Roman wondered how it could be that such a gorgeous creature could be so ugly._

 _"Trying to be funny, Reigns?"_

 _Roman let his eyes roam the man in front of him, swallowing down an ache that grew in his chest and crawled up his throat. Because it was the only thing he could do._

 _I see you._

 _I know you._

 _Not._

 _He'd thought it was him but he was not. Maybe had never been._

 _Him._

 _His friend._

 _Brother._

 _The man who had touched his heart in that one way that held the promise of spending the eternity with each other._

 _"No, Rollins," he replied and his voice was by far not as dismissive as he would have wanted it to be. "The Seth I knew is gone, replaced by a bad copy."_

 _Not waiting for the reaction that would for sure come, he turned around and walked away, his pace a bit quicker than it should be, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to hear what Rollins would say, didn't need the acid of his words to burn his already suffering heart and so he kept walking._

 _Walking away although that persistent part in him wanted nothing more than to go back to the man who looked like his Seth, wrap his arms around him while hoping that if he only held him tight enough and told him how much he missed him, how fucking much he had loved him... and somehow still did... that his Seth would come back to him. That part in him that knew better though willed his legs to keep moving away from Rollins._

 _Still a few words reached him, cutting deep, just like they did every single time since the first time he had heard them._

 _"I never fucking needed you, Reigns!"_

Their last conversation flashed through his mind over and over again, assaulting him with all the shitty feelings it brought with, _over and over again_...

Countless people with no faces passed him as he walked along the corridor, avoiding wheelchairs and beds that were parked at the walls, probably waiting for their next occupant. He muttered a _sorry_ as he bumped into a nurse that he hadn't noticed because his eyes were skimming over the white walls, looking for the right door... although he still didn't understand why he was here at all.

The only valid explanation was that he was doing this because he was an idiot.

 _I never fucking needed you, Reigns!_

There was the blunt sensation of teeth grinding against each other as he gritted them and a dull pain in his jaw. Both not enough to distract him from the ache in his chest.

 _But I needed you._

Never being spoken out aloud but it had been lying on his tongue, sour and sweet at the same time.

There were moments when he wasn't sure what was worse - to hear Seth tell him that he had me never needed him or that he had needed Seth.

Or even that he... huh, he still needed him, had never stopped.

It fuelled the pain of disappointment and the fire the betrayal had left behind. He hated Seth. His brother. His enemy. And he still loved him. He fucking loved this bastard. He had never told Seth about his feelings. Not back then before their safe little world cracked and broke apart and for sure not afterwards.

Really, he should turn around now and leave, should not listen to his heart that only caused him to make a fool of himself.

What was he expecting anyway?

The very second his eyes found the right door, his steps slowed down until he stopped... right in front of said door. And for a few heartbeats the world around him fell quiet.

Without a doubt leaving was the only right thing to do now, wasn't it? Simply go back home or to the gym, getting the shitty idea of stepping into this room out of his system over a good, hard and painful work-out. Maybe call Dean, too, to get his mind to focus on something else.

Yeah, he should not be here, should not give in to this outright stupid idea.

What exactly bypassed reason and made his hand move instead of his feet, he would probably never know. The next thing he knew though was the door opening under his hand and...

... and Seth's face, peaceful in his sleep. Angelic almost. How he'd loved to watch Seth sleep. Always. Always...

And once more he wondered how such a gorgeous creature could be so ugly... or if his Seth was still in there. Somewhere... quiet, maybe sleeping like that copy of him that was now lying on this bed, breathing a sigh. Funny enough that sigh wrapped around Roman's heart firmly, tight enough to make it clench in the weirdest way.

The noise of busyness was cut off as he stepped into the room, closing the door carefully. No. No really, he shouldn't be here. He would only get out of this more angry, more disappointed... and even more hurt. But at least he knew that he wouldn't have to pick up the pieces it would rip out of him alone because just as it had been back then, Dean would be there for him.

You'll never know how much you need a pair of strong arms until it's the only thing that holds you together and keeps you from crumbling.

Dean would probably kick his ass for having come here when he told him about. No, scratch that. Dean was going to kick his ass for it as sure as the day follows the night but at least he could be sure that his friend wasn't going to desert him for it. Dean would never do that.

Slowly he crossed the distance between the door and the bed, standing there for a few seconds while his eyes roamed Seth's face again, then down to the thickly bandaged knee. The leg not covered by the blanket and resting on a thick wedge-shaped bolster. His fingers itched to touch it, to lay his hand on it.

What for? Healing it by sheer will?

He would have done it if it was only that easy, even after all that had happened.

Maybe it didn't make much sense that he had been worried about Seth after hearing about the knee injury, then again Seth was his brother, would always be. And maybe being here now didn't make much sense, too, but if he had been worried after hearing about the injury itself... well, surgeries and general anaesthesia were always carrying risks...

Reluctantly lifting his hand, Roman let his hover over the bandage for a second or two, before he put it on Seth's shin in a light touch. The skin under his palm was rather cool, he noticed. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply, the air escaping his throat in a sad sigh as he opened his eyes again, gaze finding to his hand. This was the first time in what felt like aeons that he was touching Seth like this. Caring...

 _You bastard took yourself away from me..._

You had no right to do that, so give yourself back to me. Never once even whispered and sentenced to be swift thought only.

If he was granted a wish right now, he would have wished that Seth came back to him.

With his mind still clinging to this, he looked back up to Seth's face... and found him looking right back at him, the expression on his face tired but wary. Briefly Seth's gaze flicked over to Roman's hand. No snappish verbal attack from Seth. Only... that gaze...

Roman's heart quickened its pace as a shallow wave of adrenaline swept through him at being caught and lifting his hand away from the leg again, he reached for the blanket and covered Seth's leg, mindful of the freshly operated knee.

And suddenly he was aware that he hadn't lost even a single thought about what would happen if Seth was awake and if not, if he wanted to wait for him to wake up and what the hell he would say if...

Fuck.

 _Fuck._

He should go. He shouldn't have come here in the first place. And he was repeating himself here.

Too late now anyway...

"Have you come here to make sure that I'll never get back in the ring again, Reigns?" Seth muttered, his voice sounding just as tired and wary as the expression in his eyes.

"That's rather your style, not mine," Roman shot back.

No, doing what Seth was implying, like destroying someone's career and even health like that wasn't Roman's style, whereas it obviously was Seth's. He had proven that by sending Dean's head through cinderblocks. Roman couldn't tell what the glint in Seth's eyes meant, but it was there. Briefly only, but very much visible.

Seth huffed and the glint in his eyes was swept away as a shadow cast over them, the wariness getting stronger.

"Why are you here, Reigns?"

Funny enough it didn't sound aggressive, not even really unfriendly, no... more... careful? Or maybe he just wanted to hear it like that?

"Just wanted to see how the surgery went," he stated, keeping his voice neutral.

A short moment of silence.

Then: "Why would you care how I'm doing?"

"Because you are my brother."

The words passed Roman's lips before he could stop them, rolling from his tongue in a so very familiar way and with them his heart tripped as he realized it and it tripped again as the wary expression on Seth's face wavered briefly, as he caught a glimpse on something that told him that he'd just put his fingers on a sore spot.

It was gone as fast as it had come and Seth broke his gaze away, directing it at the nurse call at his side. He didn't reach for it though. At least not yet.

"Brother," he huffed, bringing a sneer to his lips as he met Roman's eyes again. "You hate me, how can you talk about being brothers?"

It seemed forced, that sneer.

And yeah, he hated him, as much as he did not.

"You don't have to like someone just because they're family," Roman said. "Doesn't change that you'll always be my brother."

And more.

Fuck.

Again silence spread between them, stretched and getting thicker as seconds passed and uncomfortable to say at least. And Roman was about to just turn around and leave finally as Seth spoke again.

"Hunter will do anything to make sure that you won't be champion."

Seth was stating the obvious and Roman left it uncommented. What would it be good for to say that even if Hunter would do anything to keep the belt out of Roman's reach, that he would do anything to wear that belt around his waist? Or that Hunter, now that Seth would be out of the picture for months, would sure as hell would come up with another _face of the WWE_. Unnecessary. Seth knew it anyway. And so he simply looked at the other man, trying to read those brown eyes like he'd done back then. But maybe it had been lies he'd seen there... back then...

The fact that Seth didn't reel a speech about how Roman would never hold that belt and all the shit one would expect lately to tumble out of that mouth left him mildly surprised to be honest.

Now that he was thinking about it, he had no interest in getting to hear it after all and it was probably time to leave anyway. He was here much longer already than he'd planned and so took a step back, looking at the damaged knee once more for long seconds, before meeting Seth's gaze again.

"Get well soon," he said quietly then and although he meant it, it sounded odd to his own ears now that he said it aloud.

Ever since Seth's betrayal, Roman had wanted nothing more than to beat the living shit out of him and make him crawl and beg, yet he really wished Seth to get back on his feet again soon.

The hesitation was heavy in the other man's eyes, as was confusion.

Roman turned away without another word, walking over to the door to do what he should have done in the first place. Leave. But he the second his fingers closed around the handle he heard it, spoken barely above a whisper.

"I miss you."

The three little words froze him to the very spot that he was standing in and made him feel numb as much as it made the rage in him flare up brightly because how could Seth dare saying that now? But most of all... it made his heart clench and his chest ache and it fed those feelings he still harboured for him, those he was locking away in the depths of his heart all the time.

He had no name for the sound that passed his lips. It wasn't a huff nor was it a snort. A twisted little noise.

"Liar," he forced out of his throat somehow because no, he couldn't believe it.

"I'm not..." Seth began weakly, trailing off the moment Roman's hand slipped from the handle.

" _Liar,_ " he repeated, growled as he turned back to Seth... and the words which were lying on his tongue to be spat at the other man died right then and there... as his eyes met Seth's.

 _His_ Seth.

Those big brown Bambi eyes, open and almost vulnerable. A fond glow in them.

"Rome..." Seth said softly and it pierced right into Roman's heart.

It hurt. He fucking hated it. And gosh, how he wanted to hear Seth calling him that again.

"You made your choice back then, Seth." Roman's voice was low but sharp, hard. A verbal shield that he needed because that part in him that wanted Seth back reached out to this glimpse on _his Seth_. "You're scared now that now that you're injured, that mommy and daddy will leave you high and dry and find someone else to be _the man_ , aren't you?"

Roman watched him swallow hard while his own tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth that was suddenly was as dry as the desert.

"I didn't, you know..." Seth said, averting his gaze suddenly. "I wanted to be more than just... Fuck, Hunter offered me a chance and I took it! You would have done the same if..."

Seth flinched hard as Roman kicked the trash can that was standing close to the bed, causing it to tilt over and skid over the floor.

"The _fuck_ I would have done the same!" Roman growled.

He was angry. He was fucking angry and disappointed and... and... he wanted to take all the hurt Seth's betrayal had caused him, the physical and the emotional, the rage and the sadness and the disappointment and haul it at the other man, wanted to make him feel it all. He wanted Seth to suffer as much as he had made him suffer and suddenly he was standing at the bed and his fist dug deep into the pillow right beside Seth's head.

For a long moment time seemed to stop. An eerie quietness settled over them, disturbed only by both their quick breathing. There was shock shining in those brown eyes. Wide eyes. Seth's lips were pressed to a thin line, his nostrils flaring and his features being tense.

 _I loved you._

He should go now.

 _I..._

He needed get the fuck out of here.

 _... I still do..._

And he watched in silence as Seth blinked once, twice, blinking the shock away. Watched as his features softened and warmth glinted in those brown orbs.

"I miss you." Seth's words were somehow breathless, weak. _Liar._ But he couldn't see the lie in his eyes. He couldn't see the _goddamn lie_ in them. " _I miss you..._ "

And it burned like fire...

Roman wanted to say something. He couldn't. Words refused to come to his mind, just as his feet refused to bring him out of this room but the touch of Seth's fingers on his arm made him jerk away. He didn't come far though. Sitting down on the chair that was standing right beside the bed, he tilted his head back, closing his eyes while unconsciously rubbing the spot where Seth had touched him.

"I miss you, Rome."

There, again. As if repeating it over and over again would make everything undone. It couldn't yet it was draining that emotional storm that had been raging in him just seconds ago off of him.

"Why?" he asked just above a whisper. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Why did you come here?" Seth asked back.

 _Because I'm an idiot._

There were cracks in the ceiling, he noticed as he opened his eyes again. Irony, huh? Cracks... He knew all about it, had been right in the middle when his world cracked and broke apart.

"You don't expect me to believe you, do you?"

Because how could he ever again? Dipping his head forward again, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor. The door wasn't far but right now he felt too weary to make his way home and too weak to get away from Seth.

It all, it made no sense...

But he was here now, so he could as well listen to whatever Seth had to say and take it home with him to lock it away into the dark corners of his mind and heart. With a silent sigh he locked gazes with him again, with those brown orbs that had been a sweet death of him in the past so often.

"Why?" he asked lowly and he didn't even try to hold back the rivulets of emotions that trickled into his voice.

Seth flinched lightly at that one word... or maybe at those emotions it was floating on.

The noise of the outside world faded out as Seth eventually spoke, as if it wanted to create room for all those things he had to say and with every word the door that led out of this room... seemed to move further away...

\- End -

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 **Reviews are love :)**


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